the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
