he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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