Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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