some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
