Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
