It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
