Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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