Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
