Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
