your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My friends, they love my intelligence
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
