Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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