There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
