I'm eating all of the evidence.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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