Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
