Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
