i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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