His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
