for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
