Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
