now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
