chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
