The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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