Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize