ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize