I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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