I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
