What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
