i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Barsexuality is the new black.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
