We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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