i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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