He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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