im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
birth control should be required to get into college
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize