I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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