i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
