i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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