You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
