I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
