girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
