pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
