i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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