Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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