I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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