you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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