I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
