yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
