I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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