I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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