Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize