i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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