Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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