Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
