The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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