You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize