I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
