and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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