Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize