Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
