hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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