I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
