The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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