No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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