dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
