fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
as a side note pls kill me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
