Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
