I can't watch pbs sober anymore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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