My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
