she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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