very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize