we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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