Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
