THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
