I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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