I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
