Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
