I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
