I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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