What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
