Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
