theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
