Pappa wants mamma naked
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize