piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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