Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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