you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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