Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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