Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
