So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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